Hace tiempo, no?
Tenho a dizer que fazia tempo que não escutava uma simples notícia dela. Só me lembro de nós dois na lavanderia, sentados em cima de algumas máquinas de lavar vazias enquanto esperávamos nossas roupas serem lavadas. Estávamos num lugar estranho, para ambos. E neste lugar estranho é que contávamos alguns de nossos sentimentos mais sinceros..
Naquela noite de Janeiro no Hemisferio Norte, fazia bastante frio, fumávamos cigarros contando de nossas experiencias de vida no começo dos vinte. Achávamos que tudo estava indo a favor da corrente, mas muitas coisas nos angustiávamos e era necessário falar. Para quem, não sabiamos? Só tomamos conta das revelações e sentimentos desprendidos quando voltei do telefone público com a noticia que tinha conseguido ligar para aquela menina que tanto me atormentava desde o momento que nos cruzamos, sem querer numa esquina da cidade. Para ir atrás dela, passei por diversos obstáculos, e com o numero na mão, já estava há dois dias, sem a coragem necessária para um simples alô. E se ela respondesse com um OK, ou com um não obrigada? Isso, passados dez anos, ainda não tive a certeza. Do seu rosto tambêm não tenho a certeza, ele se evaporou juntamente com outras centenas de coisas que acontecem diariamente em nossas vidas.
E essa menina que estava fumando cigarros comigo numa lavanderia, nunca mais saiu da minha cabeça. Se nutri uma paixão platônica por ela, nunca saberei porque com ela nunca mais encontrei. Ainda divago por aí, querendo saber o que ocorreu com ela para afastar-se de todos. Ainda me pergunto o que leva uma pessoa a escapar, a fugir, a começar uma nova vida, com uma nova identidade mesmo sendo ela mesma. Pois sua cara não mudará, seus pensamentos ainda serão aqueles que conversávamos. Com certeza mais maduros como os meus.
Eu agradeço a ela pela força que me passou naquele momento, em que uma simples frase ou quem sabe, um conjunto de frases, me ajudou a romper uma barreira absurda no fazer e não fazer. Essa história me marcou profundamente. Me lembro de ficar olhando as pessoas, na maioria, imigrantes no novo país, passando por mim, cada um com sua diversidade, mal sabendo que naquele momento rolava um cumplicidade entre duas pessoas que se gostavam como gente.
Ainda hoje me pego perguntando para as pessoas que um dia foram próximas a ela, como eu fui, seu paradeiro. Muitas não sabem, o que faz minha angústia aumentar. Muitas tentam o contato e são rechaçadas. Me parece que tudo aquilo que ela viveu está guardado embaixo do tapete, juntando os cacos de alguma emoção equivocada ou sentimento desiludido. Ainda acredito que um dia não poderá mais ter lugar para guardar tanta coisa lá e isso transbordará. Nesse instante eu imagino que ela irá procurar alguém. Não a mim que estou longe, mas alguem mais próximo que olhará em seus olhos com ternura e a desculpará pela reclusão imposta pela vida.
A beleza de seus trejeitos será novamente observada por nós e o encontro será bueníssimo ( como dizem alguns). A vontade de saber o que passou em sua cabeça ao longo desses longos anos será desmistificada e daremos risadas juntamente com os outros sentados em alguma paisagem magnífica que o tempo nos trará.
Ontem escutei uma notícia dela. Não vejo sua cara desde então. Não sei o que o tempo fez com ela, porém começo a descobrir o que ele fez comigo. Ela casou e esperava um filho. O presente foi adiado, meu coração apertou e de novo me imaginei sentado naquele mesmo lugar com ela como há dez anos. Porem ao invés de acender um cigarro e comemorar um feito em conjunto, a abraçaria. Forte, para pensar toda a deliciosa alegria de saber que ela de alguma forma, ainda faz parte da minha vida. E que estarei com ela onde estiver.
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